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Psychotherapy

The Undeniable Grief of Not Having a Child

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Grief and loss are accepted in our society when it concerns the death of a loved one.  In my opinion the loss of miscarriage is better understood and accepted than it ever was before. However, there is an undeniable grief that occurs when having a child does not happen naturally… or unnaturally for that matter.

I equate this feeling like telling a diabetic they can’t have sweet dessert or a smoker they must quit smoking cigarettes. However the pain is deeper, much deeper.  It’s like having your heart set on something, and then having someone say, “just kidding” or “never mind.”

The difficult part of this is the grief is not observable to the laypersons eye. “How could you possibly miss something you never had?” others may ask.  However, I disagree with this lack of sentiment. To have this kind of undeniable grief means this longing may have there all along. There comes a certain part in your life when it’s beyond the status quo. This point your life for you really want to show and give your love to something, anything, and hope that it will love you back. The most innate form of this would be a child.

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Stress, Anxiety, and that Endless Chatter Inside of our Brains-A Discussion with Dr. Liz and Dr. Lorri

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Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics”.-Albert Einstein

Lately it seems like the subject of words and how we use them has shown up repeatedly in my life. Throughout the past several years I read many books related to the subject. For example; books about water molecules and words, Books like “The Secret” or “You’re a Badass” or anything by Tolle. Recently, I watch Ted Talks on the power of words.  My own mentor continues to advise me to be mindful of  spelling and my choice of words, and a good friend asked me if I would “talk to a stranger the way I talked my own self inside of my head?”  Hmmm. The chatter inside my own brain isn’t always so positive. Interesting, right?

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