Grief and loss are accepted in our society when it concerns the death of a loved one. In my opinion the loss of miscarriage is better understood and accepted than it ever was before. However, there is an undeniable grief that occurs when having a child does not happen naturally… or unnaturally for that matter.
I equate this feeling like telling a diabetic they can’t have sweet dessert or a smoker they must quit smoking cigarettes. However the pain is deeper, much deeper. It’s like having your heart set on something, and then having someone say, “just kidding” or “never mind.”
The difficult part of this is the grief is not observable to the laypersons eye. “How could you possibly miss something you never had?” others may ask. However, I disagree with this lack of sentiment. To have this kind of undeniable grief means this longing may have there all along. There comes a certain part in your life when it’s beyond the status quo. This point your life for you really want to show and give your love to something, anything, and hope that it will love you back. The most innate form of this would be a child.
Stress, Anxiety, and that Endless Chatter Inside of our Brains-A Discussion with Dr. Liz and Dr. Lorri
“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics”.-Albert Einstein
Lately it seems like the subject of words and how we use them has shown up repeatedly in my life. Throughout the past several years I read many books related to the subject. For example; books about water molecules and words, Books like “The Secret” or “You’re a Badass” or anything by Tolle. Recently, I watch Ted Talks on the power of words. My own mentor continues to advise me to be mindful of spelling and my choice of words, and a good friend asked me if I would “talk to a stranger the way I talked my own self inside of my head?” Hmmm. The chatter inside my own brain isn’t always so positive. Interesting, right?
I love my job and feel very fortunate to work with infertility. I talk about fertility all the time. I talk about it with my friends. I talk about it with my family. I even talk about it on dates and recall drawing drawing the internal reproductive system on a bar napkin once. What really amazes me, is that everyone seems to have an opinion on it. Yesterday, two retired gentleman at a restaurant even had questions and insights about infertility. Maybe it touches everyone’s live now. (It’s even a hot topic on Hulu with the Handmaid’s Tale). Regardless of where I am, it does seem to come up in conversation. So, if you ever get stuck next to me at the dinner table, and decided to ask about fertility here is some basic questions and advice I might share:
When trying to achieve pregnancy you’re the top things to ask yourself:
Do you ovulate? When?
Females only actually ovulate one day a month a normal cycle. If you’re having sex on the wrong days conception will not happen. This can be done by tracking your body temperature, using an ovulation predictor kit, or even a new ovulation tracking bracelet, called, Ava. I want to try it next.
We are asking if you have a fertility plan. We speak about birth plans. We speak of back up plans. Plans for after college…plans for summer…but how often do women have a plan once they have been told to have infertility? Probably never.
“You have less than 1% of conceiving. You have poor egg quality. You don’t have any eggs to freeze.”
Have you ever heard these words? I have. It’s always a shock, and I do this for a living. We spend most of our young lives try not to get pregnant, and then one day we think it’s going to happen like the snap of a finger. But what happens when it doesn’t happen? Chances are you’ve been told the worst-case scenario by friends and physicians; that the odds are stacked against you; that you need a certain type of doctor.
Why your health history is actually much more than those forms you are filling out.
You may come to our doctors’ office or you go to any doctor’s office and you are asked to do it. You need to fill out that dreaded health history form. Long, arduous, detailed, and necessary. Name address, height, weight, primary concerns, major medical issues, recent surgeries, procedures, medications, supplements, family health history, etc. Our office will ask you to fill it out too…and possibly more. You see, we believe, that those medical forms look for major red flags, health catastrophes, and serious disease. However, if you come to our office, we assume you have came because you have suffered from something chronic such as infertility, pain, or illness of unknown origin. Something that has not been yet addressed completely. So, our office will look for the nuances listed between those lines. The possible gray areas in your person health history. Just so you understand, when you come to our office, we will have a long conversation about your history, your real health history. continue reading