Do you automatically take care of others at your own expense? Do you say yes to requests without regard for your own well being? If you do, you are treading on dangerous territory. Have you noticed after taking on too many projects and responsibilities, you soon feel angry, resentful, exhausted and overwhelmed? The word no allows you the freedom of expressing your truth.
Telling the truth requires complete honesty by listening to what I call your Gut Feeling Guidance System or GFGS. This is the physical feeling in your body when you are expected to add one more priority on your impossible-to-complete list for today. Your GFGS is the sense you have when something doesn’t feel right or bothers you. This includes the physical tightening in your throat or tension in your shoulders, the beginning of a headache or nausea. This is your body’s way of communicating and giving you feedback. Your GFGS will also communicate when the answer is yes through happiness, openness and feeling inspired.
Jenny Sanford, the soon-to-be ex-wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, revealed that he insisted on removing the clause to be faithful from their wedding vows before they got married. He just said no to fidelity.
Why did Jenny say yes and marry him anyway? She told Barbara Walters: “It bothered me to some extent, but … we were very young, we were in love. I questioned it, but I got past it … along with other doubts that I had.”
Have you ever ignored something like Jenny Sanford did? Did you say yes when your gut feeling was to say no? Let’s look at why you may be compelled to say yes.
Are you afraid people won’t like you if you say no? Will people be disappointed or angry with you? Is there an inner belief that you must put other peoples’ wants and needs ahead of your own? Are you afraid to appear selfish? Are you stuck in the role of martyr? Are you a compulsive people pleaser?
Consider trying this for yourself. Just say “Let me get back to you.” You can even write this on a card and carry it with you as a reminder. Practice saying this to yourself on a daily basis. The next time a loved one, boss or neighbor asks you for something simply say “Let me get back to you.” It could be something as small as baking cupcakes or something as big as a calling off a wedding. Whatever it is, this will give you time to evaluate whether or not you want to accommodate the other person’s request. If you do, you can say yes. If you don’t, just say no. Tell them “I can’t accommodate your request at this time” or “This doesn’t work for me right now.” No further explanation is necessary.
Please leave a reply and let me know your thoughts and ideas. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dr. Lorri
