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July 31st, 2009
Throughout my life there are times where I have learned, whether I like it or not, that what I think about affects my feelings, which in turn affects my actions, which in turn affects…well actually creates, my life.
Driving to Laguna Beach 2 years ago, as I was cogitating over my current problem du jour, I began the conversation in my mind….”you know better than to be focusing on the negative.” Â And my mind actually responded with a justification…that I will be more able to handle the negative, if the situation turns out that way, because I will have thought about my response and prepared for it. Â My mind is so smart…at least it thinks it is!
In reality, it does not help me to think of the possible “worst case scenarios”, because as I play them out in my head, I also create an emotional feeling of stress and worry in my body….just like my worst case scenarios are actually happening. Â Not only will I have to live through the worst case scenario if it actually does happen, I am living through several versions in my mind.
Suddenly, I had the realization…why not focus on the BEST Case Scenario. What I know for sure is that I certainly feel emotionally and physically better when I Â focus on the best possible way this “problem” could turn out. Â I also know the more positive energy I carry, the more positive I respond and relate to everyone. Â Â Give it a try!
 Dr. Lorri and Oliver Here’s to the BEST in life.
Dr. Lorri
Tags: BEST Case Scenario, negative thinking, positive thinking
Posted in BEST Case Scenario, Happiness | 2 Comments »
July 28th, 2009
 Tony Hsieh Zappos.com
I just love that tag!  I was at a  seminar this weekend where Tony Hsieh of Zappos.com fame spoke.  Inspiring? – YES!  First,  because one of the major messages of the seminar for speakers is to BE YOURSELF, BE AUTHENTIC on stage, no different than you are off stage.  I felt Tony exuded authenticity in his low key and unique presentation.
Second, because at a very young age and having created and built his second major company … (It was announced this week that Zappos and Amazon have joined forces) Tony has created a work environment that is supportive and fun in addition to prioritizing:
- High touch customer service
- Create a WOW experience
- Build lifelong relationships
How fantastic it would be to see these basic tenets present in the business environment? Â Really …Â do you need to create greater connection, more fun and WOW experiences? Â How about build more lifelong relationships in your life, both business and personal? Â This can serve and create a deeper sense of happiness and purpose in us all.
Besides, of course, Â the happiness you feel when the white box from Zappos.com arrives with your new pair of shoes!
Dr. Lorri
Tags: Happiness, Tony Hsieh, Zappos.com
Posted in Happiness | 2 Comments »
July 27th, 2009
Forgiving yourself is an imperative step when healing from tragedy in life. Continuing on the Mary Setterholm story as written by Steve Lopez in #1, we can’t really be sure if forgiving herself is a process Mary has successfully completed. She certainly has created significant healing in her life and has moved into a new phase.Â
Forgiving yourself is one of the most difficult of all steps of forgiveness.  It is often thought that forgiving the other person is difficult …  only to find that the freedom and release we hoped for from letting go of this past negative experience is not happening. Â
Forgiving yourself is a completely personal issue…and has nothing to do with what anyone else might think you need to forgive. When we have been a victim, through betrayal, incest, physical/sexual and/or emotional abuse, the question comes up “Why do I need to forgive myself, I didn’t do anything wrong?” And this is often true. The need to forgive yourself may simply come from continuing to replay the incident over and over in your mind. This causes the production of  hormones due to negative feelings, maybe fear, rage, hate or anxiety. Your body does not know the difference between a real threat and one that is imagined or remembered. This causes the  release of  fight or flight hormones throughout your system….again, and again, and again – depending on how many times you replay the incident in your mind.  The worst part is …. it is as if the perpetrator is continuing to violate or betray you.Â
Forgiving yourself, even if done gradually and through different layers can create freedom and an unexpected ability to forgive others more easily. Perhaps the biggest gift is the increased compassion and understanding for yourself and others.
From the waves of tragedy to the waves of release!
Tags: Forgiveness, Mary Setterholm, Self forgiveness, Steve Lopez
Posted in Compassion, Forgiveness, Releasing the past | 1 Comment »
July 22nd, 2009
 Mary Setterholm courtesy latimes.com Riding out a wave of tragedy is exactly what Mary Setterholm has done. Â Steve Lopez writes a column for the LA Times that I love to read because of his humor, heart and message. Â This story on Sunday, July 19, 2009 grabbed my attention, first because of the compassion. Â Mary’s life story includes years of physical and sexual abuse as a child, leading to prostitution, the process of healing and forgiveness, then creating programs to assist recovering prostitutes and the Surf Bus, a program for inner-city children to go to the beach and learn to surf. Â (I’ve always wanted to learn to surf!) Now she is going back to school for her Masters of Divinity.
The compassion Steve had for Mary was obvious through his description of her being picked up while hitchhiking and happening into prostitution “Setterholm was too damaged and confused to stop their advances, so she built a reality in which by charging them, she established an illusion of control and even normalcy” Â She married and had 5 children very young “before she had learned to take care of herself.”
Sister Sheila McNiff also had compassion for Mary, helping her to “find her way past buried secrets, paralyzing hatred and self loathing.”  McNiff had compassion for Setterholm when she could not have compassion, understanding or even feel like she was OK as herself. Â
Having compassion for others is very powerful, however, we need to start by having compassion for ourselves. Â In another blog I will be talking more about this story and the power of releasing and forgiving yourself.
Dr. Lorri
Tags: Compassion, Mary Setterholm, Steve Lopez, Surfing
Posted in Compassion, Judgment | No Comments »
July 20th, 2009
 Katherine Jackson courtesy i.abcnews.com As the alarming footage of Michael Jackson’s accident during the 1984 Pepsi commercial was released – so were the details surrounding the story. About how he didn’t want to do the Jackson Five tour with his brothers, which was sponsored by Pepsi – but gave it at the request of his mother for the sake of his brothers. He listened to his mother’s request instead of his heart. And this started a downward spiral that eventually left to his drug addiction, child molestation investigations and, ultimately, his untimely death at the age of fifty. Looking back there were two issues that may have caused this domino effect to disaster. The first was that Michael didn’t follow his heart, his gut, his true knowing. And with that – he betrayed his own truth to honor his mother’s request. Â And the second was that Katherine Jackson, with all good intentions, talked her adult son into doing something against his better judgment. Â So what can we all learn from this story?
First and foremost – LISTEN TO YOUR FEELINGS. Â Really listen. Â Michael’s truth was coming through his feelings. Â But he deferred to his thoughts. Â His thoughts that in order to be a good son to his mother he must follow her wishes instead of his knowing.
Secondly – Katherine may have unwittingly sacrificed one son for the good of the others. Â Looking back, was that a questionable request that may have changed the trajectory of Michael’s life? Â The answer is – she made what she thought was in the best interest of her family at that time. Â Her intentions were noble – and that’s where to truth lies.
Are you punishing yourself for a mistake that you’ve made in the past even though you had right intentions at the time? Â If so – how does this impact your daily life? Â As Oprah always says – “when you know better, you do better.”
Tags: Forgiveness, katherine jackson, michael jackson, regrets
Posted in Releasing Regret | No Comments »
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