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Archive for the ‘Forgiveness’ Category
Tuesday, September 7th, 2010
 True and complete forgiveness allows your genuine, radiant self to shine. While it is a simple word, forgiveness has meaning beyond the dictionary definition and is often associated with powerful emotions. When looking back on a past “negative” event, how do you feel? Maybe you wish it had not happened, had turned out differently or feel you will never get over “this one”. The idea of forgiving “that” person may create a knot in your stomach, bring up anger, pain or regret. After all, some behavior is unforgiveable, right? No, the truth is everything and everyone is forgivable, no exceptions.
Your definition of forgiveness determines whether or not you are willing to forgive. If you believe forgiveness means you approve or accept the behavior that hurt you, you will not forgive. If it means you have to forget, you may not be able to forgive. However, if you believe forgiveness is necessary for you to move beyond your pain and anger, you are more likely to forgive. Take a moment to think about what forgiveness means to you.
Forgiveness really means:
• I am no longer willing to compromise my happiness or my life.
• I no longer want revenge or to get even with someone.
• I am no longer willing to continue living a limited life because of something in my past or someone else’s actions.
• I no longer hold grudges or harbor resentments.
• I am responsible for my life.
• I am in control of my life.
• I live in peace with what is now and what has already happened.
Forgiveness does NOT mean:
• Giving in – you are not agreeing to allow it to happen again.
• You approve or accept the actions or behavior.
• You are justifying or making excuses for the behavior.
• You have to trust the person.
• You are letting him or her off the hook.
• You have to forget what happened.
• You have to reconcile.
• The person does not need to pay the consequences for their actions.
• The person has to apologize to you in order for you to forgive.
• You have to talk to the other person.
That’s right – you do not have to talk to the other person. Your ability to forgive is NOT dependent upon another person. You can forgive someone and never speak to them again.
Forgiveness is all about YOU. The power is in your hands, your heart and your mind’s definition of forgiveness.
Dr. Lorri
Posted in Forgiveness, Freedom, Releasing the past | No Comments »
Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
It’s been a whirlwind year for Sandra Bullock. She won her first Golden Globe & Oscar awards for “The Blind Side.” She paid homage to her husband, Jesse James, by saying it was easy to do good work when someone has your back – and he had her back. Ten days later the couple separated when the scandal broke about Jesse’s long running extra-marital affairs. And just last week she revealed her own deeply guarded secret; she adopted a baby boy from New Orleans in the middle of award season mayhem.
So how did Sandra reconcile becoming an instant mom and suddenly losing her marriage? She poignantly answered that question in a People Magazine exclusive saying: “These beautiful people in my life made sure I had the safety to grieve and feel everything I needed to, away from the outside world.”
Sandra is not only a talented actress, she is a wise soul. Whenever you are blindsided by any event in your life, be it infidelity, incest, job loss or death – it is important to surround yourself with a safety net of loved ones who will let you feel everything you need to feel. You cannot heal and move on if you don’t completely process your feelings and emotions. The more quickly you can express the depth of your feelings the faster you will be able to recover. Sandra is a prime example of that universal truth. She had the wisdom, courage and clarity to grieve and feel everything she needed to feel.
In my next blog I’ll tell you how you can support a loved one who is going through the grieving process. It’s an important skill that is rarely talked about, let alone taught – and is essential for physical health and personal growth.
Tags: affairs, grieving, infidelty, jesse james, sandra bullock
Posted in Forgiveness, Releasing the past, grieving | 2 Comments »
Friday, February 19th, 2010
 Today, a very contrite Tiger Woods apologized to his family, business partners, foundation and fans. He took complete responsibility for the actions that brought his personal and professional life to a screeching halt. He didn’t hide behind the “issues” he is facing, instead he apologized saying: “I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.”
What a striking difference from the emphatic denials by former President Bill Clinton and Senator John Edwards when initial rumors about their extra-marital affairs were reported.
It is refreshing to hear someone with superstar status admit to human indiscretions. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Until we learn the lesson behind those mistakes, we continue to make bigger and bigger errors until the universe bonks us in the head. That’s why I encourage each and every one of you to look for the lesson in any difficult event that you experience. It could be you something you did or that happened to you. Whatever it is, the chaos ends and healing begins when you look for the lesson. This is one of the most powerful steps of the forgiveness process: learn the lesson.
Later in his press briefing Tiger shared : “ I once heard, and I believe it’s true, it’s not what you achieve in life that matters; it’s what you overcome.” Well Tiger, I would like to add that when you learn the lesson(s) from what you have overcome, integrate those lessons into a new belief system, you not only change your life and the lives of those around you, you affect the world, as well.
Tiger, like all of us, has the opportunity to turn a painful experience into a powerful, teachable moment.
My most traumatic experiences have brought the deepest healing and most powerful lessons to me.
I say to Tiger and to each of you reading this blog, you are powerful beyond measure and have the ability to change your life. This is my hope for you. Today, tomorrow and always.
Tags: Forgiveness, Tiger Woods
Posted in Forgiveness, Tiger Woods | No Comments »
Monday, July 27th, 2009
Forgiving yourself is an imperative step when healing from tragedy in life. Continuing on the Mary Setterholm story as written by Steve Lopez in #1, we can’t really be sure if forgiving herself is a process Mary has successfully completed. She certainly has created significant healing in her life and has moved into a new phase.
Forgiving yourself is one of the most difficult of all steps of forgiveness. It is often thought that forgiving the other person is difficult … only to find that the freedom and release we hoped for from letting go of this past negative experience is not happening.
Forgiving yourself is a completely personal issue…and has nothing to do with what anyone else might think you need to forgive. When we have been a victim, through betrayal, incest, physical/sexual and/or emotional abuse, the question comes up “Why do I need to forgive myself, I didn’t do anything wrong?” And this is often true. The need to forgive yourself may simply come from continuing to replay the incident over and over in your mind. This causes the production of hormones due to negative feelings, maybe fear, rage, hate or anxiety. Your body does not know the difference between a real threat and one that is imagined or remembered. This causes the release of fight or flight hormones throughout your system….again, and again, and again – depending on how many times you replay the incident in your mind. The worst part is …. it is as if the perpetrator is continuing to violate or betray you.
Forgiving yourself, even if done gradually and through different layers can create freedom and an unexpected ability to forgive others more easily. Perhaps the biggest gift is the increased compassion and understanding for yourself and others.
From the waves of tragedy to the waves of release!
Tags: Forgiveness, Mary Setterholm, Self forgiveness, Steve Lopez
Posted in Compassion, Forgiveness, Releasing the past | 1 Comment »
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