In our last blog we discussed how Sandra Bullock reconciled becoming an instant mom and suddenly losing her marriage. In a People Magazine exclusive she said: “These beautiful people in my life made sure I had the safety to grieve and feel everything I needed to, away from the outside world.”
Grieving is perfectly natural and a major key to complete healing. How can you be one of those beautiful people who is available to support a loved one in their grieving process?
1. You first! If you find that you can’t stand to watch a loved one’s grieving process, this is because you are not feeling separate from this person’s emotions. Ask yourself if you have some deep sadness or grief you need to release. Acknowledge and allow your leftover feelings of grief, loss, pain or rage from a past experience.
2. Provide a safe place for your loved one to express the entire spectrum of emotions that naturally happen with any betrayal or loss. We cannot heal as deeply or move on as completely if the feelings and emotions are not acknowledged and allowed. This does not mean to stay stuck in the same emotions, but to move through them.
3. There is nothing you have “to do” to help the person grieving. Just be a loving presence, honor their feelings/emotions and be separate from their pain. It is NOT about YOU – it’s all about the other person.
4. Allow them to tell the story of their loss and acknowledge all the associated emotions. Give the gift of allowing their anger, grief, sadness or ANY emotions present around this event. Simply allow the emotions. Do not comment, judge or involve yourself in their journey. Be present, yet separate and in the present moment for your loved one.
5. If appropriate, encourage them to experience the feelings that are present in their physical body. This is also where we store unexpressed and unprocessed emotions.
6. Once the emotions are expressed completely, they no longer hold the same power. Feeling the emotions allows their release. Support them in the complete release of the emotions and feelings in order to move on with life. It is much easier to complete this step with your support. Supporting someone in grief is a true gift of love.
Sandra Bullock demonstrated the power of healing through grieving when she appeared on the MTV Movie Awards. This was her first public appearance since she split up from her unfaithful husband a few months ago. The newly single mom exuded radiance, humor and hope when she kissed Scarlett Johansson and then insisted, “Now that we’ve done that, can we just get back to normal?”
Yes Sandra, we can … with a little help from our loving friends.
