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March 8th, 2010
I love to pay attention and look for the inspiration and gifts in life. Today I received an email from a mentor of mine, Dr. Sue Morter. She reminded me of four rules that continue to allow me immense freedom and fulfillment. That is, when I remember to use them!
Show up.
Pay attention.
Tell the truth.
Let go.
Show up completely to life, pay attention to what has heart and meaning for you, speak your truth about what matters most and let go of the outcome.
Sometimes life isn’t easy. A very close friend of mine left today to visit her mother in the hospital. She is acutely aware these may be the last days in her mother’s life. I shared Dr. Sue’s concepts with her, and after our discussion she decided that even in the midst of her grief and loss, she will show up completely and be with her mother. She will pay attention to her own heart and make decisions in a way that have meaning for them both. She will speak her truth to her mother, the doctors and family members regarding what matters most in this situation. And she will let go of the outcome.
May this conversation and the guidelines to support you through difficult times lighten your load as it did for my precious friend.
Sharing what I love…
Lorri
Tags: Choices, Dr. Sue Morter, Freedom, Rules to LIve by
Posted in Choices, Freedom | No Comments »
February 19th, 2010
 Today, a very contrite Tiger Woods apologized to his family, business partners, foundation and fans. He took complete responsibility for the actions that brought his personal and professional life to a screeching halt. He didn’t hide behind the “issues” he is facing, instead he apologized saying: “I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.”
What a striking difference from the emphatic denials by former President Bill Clinton and Senator John Edwards when initial rumors about their extra-marital affairs were reported.
It is refreshing to hear someone with superstar status admit to human indiscretions. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Until we learn the lesson behind those mistakes, we continue to make bigger and bigger errors until the universe bonks us in the head. That’s why I encourage each and every one of you to look for the lesson in any difficult event that you experience. It could be you something you did or that happened to you. Whatever it is, the chaos ends and healing begins when you look for the lesson. This is one of the most powerful steps of the forgiveness process: learn the lesson.
Later in his press briefing Tiger shared : “ I once heard, and I believe it’s true, it’s not what you achieve in life that matters; it’s what you overcome.” Well Tiger, I would like to add that when you learn the lesson(s) from what you have overcome, integrate those lessons into a new belief system, you not only change your life and the lives of those around you, you affect the world, as well.
Tiger, like all of us, has the opportunity to turn a painful experience into a powerful, teachable moment.
My most traumatic experiences have brought the deepest healing and most powerful lessons to me.
I say to Tiger and to each of you reading this blog, you are powerful beyond measure and have the ability to change your life. This is my hope for you. Today, tomorrow and always.
Tags: Forgiveness, Tiger Woods
Posted in Forgiveness, Tiger Woods | No Comments »
February 12th, 2010
Do you automatically take care of others at your own expense? Do you say yes to requests without regard for your own well being? If you do, you are treading on dangerous territory. Have you noticed after taking on too many projects and responsibilities, you soon feel angry, resentful, exhausted and overwhelmed? The word no allows you the freedom of expressing your truth.
Telling the truth requires complete honesty by listening to what I call your Gut Feeling Guidance System or GFGS. This is the physical feeling in your body when you are expected to add one more priority on your impossible-to-complete list for today. Your GFGS is the sense you have when something doesn’t feel right or bothers you. This includes the physical tightening in your throat or tension in your shoulders, the beginning of a headache or nausea. This is your body’s way of communicating and giving you feedback. Your GFGS will also communicate when the answer is yes through happiness, openness and feeling inspired.
Jenny Sanford, the soon-to-be ex-wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, revealed that he insisted on removing the clause to be faithful from their wedding vows before they got married. He just said no to fidelity.
Why did Jenny say yes and marry him anyway? She told Barbara Walters: “It bothered me to some extent, but … we were very young, we were in love. I questioned it, but I got past it … along with other doubts that I had.”
Have you ever ignored something like Jenny Sanford did? Did you say yes when your gut feeling was to say no? Let’s look at why you may be compelled to say yes.
Are you afraid people won’t like you if you say no? Will people be disappointed or angry with you? Is there an inner belief that you must put other peoples’ wants and needs ahead of your own? Are you afraid to appear selfish? Are you stuck in the role of martyr? Are you a compulsive people pleaser?
Consider trying this for yourself. Just say “Let me get back to you.” You can even write this on a card and carry it with you as a reminder. Practice saying this to yourself on a daily basis. The next time a loved one, boss or neighbor asks you for something simply say “Let me get back to you.” It could be something as small as baking cupcakes or something as big as a calling off a wedding. Whatever it is, this will give you time to evaluate whether or not you want to accommodate the other person’s request. If you do, you can say yes. If you don’t, just say no. Tell them “I can’t accommodate your request at this time” or “This doesn’t work for me right now.” No further explanation is necessary.
Please leave a reply and let me know your thoughts and ideas. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dr. Lorri
Tags: anger, exhaustion, fidelity, Gov. Mark Sanford, Jenny Sanford, Just Say No, overextended, overwhelm, people pleaser, resentment
Posted in Freedom, Gut Feeling Guidance System, Self Care | 6 Comments »
November 24th, 2009
 Gratitude has changed my life … really, truly and completely.
Gratitude, forgiveness and love are the three most powerful feelings I know.
When I started to focus on the feeling of gratitude, even when I was not feeling grateful, I noticed changes in my life.
First, I noticed that choosing to be in gratitude and focus on all that I have to be grateful for makes everything in life look better. Choosing to focus on the positive of gratitude, even when I do not feel positive, has been transforming for me.
Years ago I decided that when I first woke up in the morning I would turn my thoughts to what I am grateful for, instead of what I have to do in the day ahead of me. Before that, I would wake up and go to “problem solving” in my day, sometimes for problems that did not even exist! Using the power of my mind and focusing my energy on the possible negative did not serve me in creating the life I desired.
One day, much to my surprise, after consistently focusing on gratitude in the morning – I WOKE UP IN GRATITUDE and found that I did not have to guide my mind and feelings to gratitude, I was naturally in gratitude. I love waking up in gratitude. It expands my heart and and increases my feelings of freedom, peace and happiness.
At this very moment, I am grateful for you! I thank you taking time to read this blog. And I’d like to gently offer you a suggestion…
Try doing this for Yourself:
1. Focus on the feeling of gratitude
2. Remember a time when you felt deeply, to-the-point-of-tears grateful.
3. Allow the feeling to increase and expand throughout your body, in and out of all of your cells.
4. From the space of gratitude, focus your thoughts and feelings into what you are currently grateful for in your life. When you are allowing gratitude, you also raise your vibrational energy and emotional feelings.
5. Return to these thoughts and feelings as often as possible during the day. The more you return, the easier it is to immediately experience the feeling of gratitude.
6. When you wake up every morning – focus on gratitude before you start your day.
7. Focus on gratitude for the magnificence of the day ahead of you and the life lessons you have learned.
Enjoy the bliss, daily!
With gratitude for you, especially at this time of Thanksgiving!
Dr. Lorri
Posted in Choices, Gratitude | No Comments »
October 9th, 2009
 Have you ever ignored the communication from your well-meaning body? Maybe you were tired, but still went out for a night on the town with friends, or had that obligatory dinner with a business associate? Or how about that stomach ache you get after drinking a cup of coffee … but you drink a cup or two again the next day because your caffeine habit is just that — a delicious habit!
We all have ignored the messages our body sends to us. And in case you haven’t noticed, the longer you neglect the messages … the stronger they become. The occasional, general tiredness escalates into that chronic deep bone weariness, or the stomach ache becomes stronger and spreads down into your intestinal tract. The longer you ignore these messages, the less you time you’ll have until the ultimate wakeup call comes knocking at your door.
Now if you are 25, you may not relate ….. yet. Just wait, you will eventually come to understand. And if you are over 45, you probably are saying: “I just can’t seem to get away with the same things anymore.” Your body is a messenger. And your mind is a powerful force. But when you play the “mind over matter game,” your body will always win. It does not have an agenda, and is not trying to manipulate you. It is like a computer … garbage in … garbage out. Fortunately the opposite is also true, good stuff in … good stuff out.
In all the years I have supported, treated and coached people in healing their bodies and their lives, one thing I have discovered over and over again is that your body does not lie. You may not like what it is saying … and you may not understand what it is telling you …. but it is telling you something, for good reason. Your body was designed to survive, and will do whatever it takes to help you survive.
OK, so what’s the point? Recently I have been coaching a friend who is suffering from bone aching exhaustion, symptoms of depression, and a loss of passion for life. I can relate to her because I remember when I was experiencing the same deep bone weary tiredness.
How about you? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Five years ago, my answer to that question was a resounding “yes!” I was perpetually tired and lab tests showed that my adrenals had been under way too much stress for way too long. The laboratory results revealed that I was suffering from Adrenal Failure!
I had been ignoring my body’s message to get more rest for years. And it finally caught up with me. I was forced to change my lifestyle. I had to reduce the stress, increase my hours of sleep, decrease my exercise and increase my carbohydrate intake. Horror of horrors! I thought I was helping myself with these time honored traditions. Exercise more and reduce carbohydrate intake. While this may work for most people … it was making me feel worse. My intensive exercise regimen was causing my adrenals to work harder and become depleted more quickly! My lower carbohydrate intake was not providing the carbs I needed for energy and my adrenals were unable to restore properly.
In hindsight I now recognize that I pushed myself to the state of exhaustion by ignoring the constant, pleading messages from my body. I refused to accept the fact that I was tired and needed more sleep – after all, I had a lot of work to get done! My body started to communicate louder and louder, and suddenly my caffeine fix wasn’t working anymore and I became “bone tired.”
I don’t want this to happen to you!! Believe me when I say the recovery process takes a very long time. So I ask you to do this for yourself: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! It is your ally; it is on your side and needs to be heard. Your body is communicating to you in the only way it knows how. Through your physical symptoms and feelings.
Listen compassionately and you will have a more compatible relationship with your body. It’s time to stop the battle between what your mind thinks vs. what your body needs.
Your body will continue to patiently communicate for your survival and your ultimate well-being! Shhh, be quiet for a moment. Do you hear someone knocking?
Dr. Lorri
Tags: adrenal failure, exhaustion
Posted in Choices, Health | No Comments »
August 20th, 2009
 Park City, UT Amazing! I am in Park City, Utah surrounded by nature. I love being surrounded by trees, blue sky, birds and the love of family! Gratitude comes easy as I choose to focus on all I have to be grateful for. I effortlessly feel connected to my joy and Spirit and more easily ALLOW the natural positive flow in my life.
When I choose to focus on what I have to be grateful for, I find that I have more and more to be grateful for. Not surprisingly, when I choose to focus on what is not working…yes, I get more of what is not working. Have you ever had a day that starts with losing your car keys or oversleeping the alarm? The difference between getting into the fight or flight mode instead of your comfortable routine mode completely changes your energy and your thought process. Then, have you ever noticed that the rest of the day seems to follow your thoughts? If your mind is thinking of how mad you are at yourself for oversleeping or not filling your car with gas yesterday; being irritated at the person at the light in front of you taking a year to step on the gas pedal, or horror of horror – they are talking on their cell phone and not paying attention. This happens to all of us, no matter how “aware” we are . Observe, gently and without judgement, the conversation and thoughts in your head.
Here is where the choice comes in. You can choose to focus on the slow car in front of you, or you can choose to focus on …. well, really on ANYTHING POSITIVE! Even if it happened last year. The focus of your thoughts will change how you feel – grateful or happy instead of frustrated or angry. Your thoughts will change your actions, which will in turn shift your results, and how you feel about what is in front of you.
Where I choose to focus my attention makes a huge difference in my life.
This does not mean that you pretend that you did not lose your job or your keys. This means to practice changing your attitude or approach regarding situations or how you view them. Asking “What is in this for me?” or “What do I have to learn from this?” shifts from victim to empowered co-creator.
Choose your focus for the day … THE feeling you would love to experience in your life, make sure this is a feeling that only involves you. For example, let’s say you would like to feel more loved in your life. Focus on feeling more loved by you, and you will create the feeling of more love in your life, without needing to depend on others to create your feeling of love. It all starts with your focused attention, and you are the only one you can control! Look for evidence that you are choosing love or joy and allow the flow to you!
My choices create my life.
The more we practice choosing what we intend to have, the easier it is.
What are you choosing today?
with Joy and Love,
Dr. Lorri
Tags: Choices, Happiness
Posted in Choices, Happiness, Judgment | No Comments »
July 31st, 2009
Throughout my life there are times where I have learned, whether I like it or not, that what I think about affects my feelings, which in turn affects my actions, which in turn affects…well actually creates, my life.
Driving to Laguna Beach 2 years ago, as I was cogitating over my current problem du jour, I began the conversation in my mind….”you know better than to be focusing on the negative.” And my mind actually responded with a justification…that I will be more able to handle the negative, if the situation turns out that way, because I will have thought about my response and prepared for it. My mind is so smart…at least it thinks it is!
In reality, it does not help me to think of the possible “worst case scenarios”, because as I play them out in my head, I also create an emotional feeling of stress and worry in my body….just like my worst case scenarios are actually happening. Not only will I have to live through the worst case scenario if it actually does happen, I am living through several versions in my mind.
Suddenly, I had the realization…why not focus on the BEST Case Scenario. What I know for sure is that I certainly feel emotionally and physically better when I focus on the best possible way this “problem” could turn out. I also know the more positive energy I carry, the more positive I respond and relate to everyone. Give it a try!
 Dr. Lorri and Oliver Here’s to the BEST in life.
Dr. Lorri
Tags: BEST Case Scenario, negative thinking, positive thinking
Posted in BEST Case Scenario, Happiness | 2 Comments »
July 28th, 2009
 Tony Hsieh Zappos.com
I just love that tag! I was at a seminar this weekend where Tony Hsieh of Zappos.com fame spoke. Inspiring? – YES! First, because one of the major messages of the seminar for speakers is to BE YOURSELF, BE AUTHENTIC on stage, no different than you are off stage. I felt Tony exuded authenticity in his low key and unique presentation.
Second, because at a very young age and having created and built his second major company … (It was announced this week that Zappos and Amazon have joined forces) Tony has created a work environment that is supportive and fun in addition to prioritizing:
- High touch customer service
- Create a WOW experience
- Build lifelong relationships
How fantastic it would be to see these basic tenets present in the business environment? Really … do you need to create greater connection, more fun and WOW experiences? How about build more lifelong relationships in your life, both business and personal? This can serve and create a deeper sense of happiness and purpose in us all.
Besides, of course, the happiness you feel when the white box from Zappos.com arrives with your new pair of shoes!
Dr. Lorri
Tags: Happiness, Tony Hsieh, Zappos.com
Posted in Happiness | 2 Comments »
July 27th, 2009
Forgiving yourself is an imperative step when healing from tragedy in life. Continuing on the Mary Setterholm story as written by Steve Lopez in #1, we can’t really be sure if forgiving herself is a process Mary has successfully completed. She certainly has created significant healing in her life and has moved into a new phase.
Forgiving yourself is one of the most difficult of all steps of forgiveness. It is often thought that forgiving the other person is difficult … only to find that the freedom and release we hoped for from letting go of this past negative experience is not happening.
Forgiving yourself is a completely personal issue…and has nothing to do with what anyone else might think you need to forgive. When we have been a victim, through betrayal, incest, physical/sexual and/or emotional abuse, the question comes up “Why do I need to forgive myself, I didn’t do anything wrong?” And this is often true. The need to forgive yourself may simply come from continuing to replay the incident over and over in your mind. This causes the production of hormones due to negative feelings, maybe fear, rage, hate or anxiety. Your body does not know the difference between a real threat and one that is imagined or remembered. This causes the release of fight or flight hormones throughout your system….again, and again, and again – depending on how many times you replay the incident in your mind. The worst part is …. it is as if the perpetrator is continuing to violate or betray you.
Forgiving yourself, even if done gradually and through different layers can create freedom and an unexpected ability to forgive others more easily. Perhaps the biggest gift is the increased compassion and understanding for yourself and others.
From the waves of tragedy to the waves of release!
Tags: Forgiveness, Mary Setterholm, Self forgiveness, Steve Lopez
Posted in Compassion, Forgiveness, Releasing the past | 1 Comment »
July 22nd, 2009
 Mary Setterholm courtesy latimes.com Riding out a wave of tragedy is exactly what Mary Setterholm has done. Steve Lopez writes a column for the LA Times that I love to read because of his humor, heart and message. This story on Sunday, July 19, 2009 grabbed my attention, first because of the compassion. Mary’s life story includes years of physical and sexual abuse as a child, leading to prostitution, the process of healing and forgiveness, then creating programs to assist recovering prostitutes and the Surf Bus, a program for inner-city children to go to the beach and learn to surf. (I’ve always wanted to learn to surf!) Now she is going back to school for her Masters of Divinity.
The compassion Steve had for Mary was obvious through his description of her being picked up while hitchhiking and happening into prostitution “Setterholm was too damaged and confused to stop their advances, so she built a reality in which by charging them, she established an illusion of control and even normalcy” She married and had 5 children very young “before she had learned to take care of herself.”
Sister Sheila McNiff also had compassion for Mary, helping her to “find her way past buried secrets, paralyzing hatred and self loathing.” McNiff had compassion for Setterholm when she could not have compassion, understanding or even feel like she was OK as herself.
Having compassion for others is very powerful, however, we need to start by having compassion for ourselves. In another blog I will be talking more about this story and the power of releasing and forgiving yourself.
Dr. Lorri
Tags: Compassion, Mary Setterholm, Steve Lopez, Surfing
Posted in Compassion, Judgment | No Comments »
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